TAKING CARE OF YOU

THE FIRST STEP TO A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

While it may seem counterintuitive, taking care of yourself is the first step to creating a happy and healthy marriage. Too often our focus is on making our spouse happy or taking care of our children, but to have a healthy marriage, meeting our own needs should be a priority. Think of a time in your life when you felt as though you were at your peak. What did it feel like? In our first lesson on how to create a lasting millennial marriage, we want to focus on YOU. Everything we teach will be about what you can do for your marriage, but this lesson is about what you can do for you.

Benefits of Exercise

Exercise. We've been taught to exercise since the beginning of our formal education, and often even earlier. We've been told of the benefits of exercise, but what does that mean to you? Taking the time to exercise is challenging for many people, but those who make the time experience enormous benefits. Studies have proven that exercise improves memory and attention span, reduces the risk of heart related diseases, as well as combats depression and anxiety. I don't know about you, but that sounds awesome to me! The healthier you are able to be, the more energy you will have to focus on your marriage. After getting married, I (Olivia) gained a lot of weight. As the months went on and weight was harder to maintain, my self-confidence was deteriorating fast. Accepting compliments from my husband,

being intimate, and having the energy to go on adventures with

him became much harder. Last June I decided that I was going to get fit again. I started swimming a little bit everyday. In August I registered for a 5K that would take place in October. As I prepared for the race by running a little bit everyday, my confidence in myself grew, I had more energy to use while I was around my husband and our intimate lives improved dramatically. My husband and I ran the 5K together and it was a bonding experience for both of us. We loved it! If I hadn't been running for the months prior to the event, we never would have been able to have that wonderful day where we accomplished something so great together.

Benefits of Eating Healthy

Eating healthy. I (Shannon) know I am not the only one that has been taught their entire life that we should eat healthy. Healthy eating positively benefits us, which in turn benefits our marriages. North Dakota State University has said that you should "do everything you can to eat a well-balanced and healthful diet." They found that when we eat our five main food groups which are fruits, vegetables, grains, dairy and protein we are nourishing our bodies. When I eat healthy, my confidence increases. I feel much better about myself and it positively affects my marriage. Eating healthy and exercising go hand in hand. When I am focused on my healthy habits it changes how I feel about myself. I am not so hard on myself, I feel better and I look better.

My favorite thing about eating healthier is that it is something I can do with my husband. When I know my husband is trying to eat healthier, I am the much more inclined to do so myself.

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Benefits of Taking Time for YOU

One of the most important things we have learned from being married is the importance of taking time for yourself. Research at Michigan State University has found that in order to take care of yourself, you need to set time aside in your schedule for you. This is not a selfish act. This is a time for you to relax and destress. When I (Shannon) was first married, I felt as though I needed to spend every available moment with my husband. I would get frustrated with him when he wanted to play basketball and couldn't wrap my mind around why he didn't want to spend all of his free time with me. I finally learned the importance of "me time" when our daughter was born. There are times when I feel suffocated. I need to just get away and figure out what is going on in my head. Sometimes I just need an uninterrupted shower to clear my mind and have some time alone. Gerald Corey, author of Counselor Self-Care, said “Self care is not a luxury; it is an ethical mandate… if we are drained a depleted, we will not have much to give to those who

need our time and our presence." I originally felt guilty of needing this time for myself, but I have seen the benefits of taking this time. I am happier, kinder and not so stressed when I take five minutes to myself. Take the time to figure out what "me time" looks like to you. It may be a soak in the tub, an hour at the gym, binge watching your favorite show, taking a nap, meditating and so forth. Find the time and see how it will benefit your marriage. I promise it will.

Conclusion and Challenge

When you take care of yourself, you are able to focus more energy on your marriage. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, one must first resolve their personal physical and emotional needs before they can attempt to improve their external situation. Think of a time when you were hungry. Not just sort of hungry, but REALLY hungry. Were you able to think about anything else? I doubt it. By taking care of yourself you are preparing to have success in your marriage.

Don't try to go fixing everything all at once, this will lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, the challenge with this lesson is to pick one thing, just one, to work on. Below are possible ideas to try and improve yourself in each category. You can use one of those or come up with your own. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Exercise

Set aside some time everyday this week to exercise. If all you have is 15 minutes, start there. Some examples of exercise include:

Going for a walk
Riding a bicycle
Going to the gym
Yoga
Zumba

Eating Healthy

Make a plan of what you want to eat. The five food groups to remember are dairy, grains, veggies, fruits, and protein. You need some of each everyday. Focus on the fruits and veggies and limit the rest.

Taking Care of YOU

Set aside time this week to do something you've been wanting to do. It can be whatever you want! Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you leave behind the rest of your cares and focus on what you're doing. Everything that is stressing you will still be there when you're done. You'll be better able to address them if you truly take this time to focus on you.